saturday

23:02 pm

hello there,

well how should i say it, it has been a quite nice day lately, i improved my drawing skill alhamdulilah i'm really happy and a little bit satisfied :')
but something has been bothering my mind...i don't know i just don't feel right somehow,i hate having unsolved problems :/
about my ex, i can't say that i'm 100 % over my ex, i guess i still have 30% remaining feelings, i know our relationship was not that healthy and beautiful in the last 3 months of our relationship before it ends, and we often suffer a lot, and it has more tears and pain , but i kinda miss him, i know i shouldn't,but thats doesn't mean i want him back,no.

i'm not regreting my decision for letting him go, afterall no matter what'll i do i'll end up hurting him,
 i just..feel strangely exhausted and pissed over some unknown reason 

and,i guess i just don't wanna be in love anymore for a quite long time, i don't wanna be attached, i want to set my heart free, until it really is time to love again. i already determine that since a long time ago honestly, cause falling in love in my age with my family condition is just playing with fire, it will end up hurting me and the other.

i really really hope the next person i'll be in love with is my soon to be husband someday in the future,it'll be a lot easier hahaah.
i've already made a new friend though , it was nice and refreshing talking with new people , i miss my bestfriends so much, and seeing my classmates graduation party is kinda pissing me off it makes me feel so gloomy and somehow left behind and forgotten :(

oh, btw tomorrow will be my youngest brother 7th birthday,excited for the cakes :D, and about my diet, well its still going and i currently weight 118 lbs now, 

i'm starting to sleep in the morning again, my bad habit is coming back, well...since i still have a plenty of time before school start i guess its not a really big deal...,right?..
but i'm having fun, being able to watch movies all night and allowed to wakes up late is just, happiness hahahah and the studies except math,hasn't started yet, so i will just cherish every moment of summer holiday :''}

well i really hope there will be more happiness in the future ,thanks for reading,happy holiday peeps :)

xoxo
-

plans

17:20 pm

hello readers,
well i guess my free and relaxing time is gonna be over soon cause i have to take summer class, for this month i'm taking mechanics math for the re do exam on july, its not that bad actually i still can wake up late atleast.
i'm starting my diet again cause right now im so out of shape, in my opinion though.
i'm currently 5'5 feet and weight 119 lbs. my goal is around 105 or 103 lbs so its still a long way to go.
and i've been planning on making an alphabet cookies... , with some royal icing cause its fun. lol i'm sorry diet.
AH! i watched hana yori dango and hana yori dango 2 , LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING, THAT DRAMA IS AWESOME OK. i cried, i laugh , i got mad, i got really happy, this drama is masterpiece, oustanding acting skill, nice chemistry. excellent story line, out of all the versions hana yori dango is the best version of meteor garden.

and about him, well its not that i don't love him anymore, i still do but i'm trying to keep my distance cause i was so naive to think we can still be friends after the complete break up, he never greet or talk to me again though, but its kinda okay now maybe i can erase the remaining feelings by this way.
i have a bitter sweet memories with him, he's a nice guy, really. but we are just not meant to be i guess
well, i'll start to be busy again. 3rd year will be a pain in the ass cause i need to have atleast 80% in arabic,let me tell u the arabic exam is a super fucking irrationally hard. even my uncle admit it. it will be a miracle if i pass to college hahahahah :") *desperate*, but.. i will do my best :D

happy summer holiday people, cheers !
xoxo,

summer

20:49 pm

hello readers,
so since i've cleared up my mind i decided to begin a new fresh start.
after being seperated for a quite while now i realize that i've made a right decision. its not love anymore when all you feel is pain and exhaustion, sometime no matter how beautiful it was when its no longer bring you butterflies and smiles you know its time to let go and you'll be completly fine.
at first i thought i was gonna die of frustation and now i laugh my self remembering how silly and over reacting i was. looking back at my old posts..im sorry its so full of dramas shhh -_-
now i see, i am still 17 and there are still a lot of things i need to take care of and i'll be so busy , and i am better off on my own. matter fact right now i can say that i'm loving my life quite much, i feel positive and relaxed. alhamdulilah i'm quite blessed :')
i've made a plan i want to be closer to God, and be more active in school and studies and future
OH i passed the 2nd smester without any fail :D and i done it all with my self i'm quite happy even the marks are not that high and i still need to redo my mechanics exam from 1st smester on month 7th ..
but that's okay from the result of 2nd smester i learned that when i have a strong will and do my best i can do it, someone precious once said "do your best ma, and god will do the rest" i believed that so much. and its true though .
this year i will not visit indonesia i think... its heartbreaking but well i think god has another plan for me and that's okay.
well i'm in my last year of high school omg i can't believe how time flies so fast... next june i will be in college......... i can't even.... i really hope i can go to art college since its fun and i'll be able to love the 4 Years of my soon university life atleast.
i'm doing really fine these days i'm happy. i hope this happy days will last longer :")

have a happy day and life readers, thanks for your time :D
xoxo