16:56 pm
yesterday me and him broke up. it was frustrating, i've been depressed since a few days ago that i lost 3 kg.
good news i lost my appetite i hope i will keep losing weight,crazy i know.
before we broke up i saw he tweeted "we are not match anymore" at that point i feel someone punched my chest so hard that it hurts to breath , all i feel is pain.
so i talked to him and he said that he can't stand to be this way, we had a few problems that keep repeating, maybe he's sick of it and he can't deal with it anymore, and so am i. its hurting both of us
so i told him to lets just break up.
then the next 5-6 hours we deep talked, weirdly our conversation is way better than before. but it really really really hurt so bad and i can't take it anymore im really tired and exhausted to constantly feel in pain
i've decided to just let go but its really hard because i know no matter how many times i told my self that i've lost the feelings that its gonna be okay, the truth is i still madly deeply unconditionally in love with him.
i don't know why people called it a broken heart while it feels like every part of me is breaking too.
after a few talk he said
"but , i don't wanna lose you. i don't want anyone else i only want you :"( "
"you know i still do really love you so much ma :( "
"but can you promise me something?"
"will you still wanna be my wife? "
damn. how am i supposed to say, how am i supposed to do, it really drive me insane :(
he keep telling me that he can't lose me that he can't let me go
so he decided to be in a un official relationship, like more than a friend less than a relationship
it hurts.
like effin hell.
but i can't say no cause my heart is still all his.
this past 2 days after we broke up he became really really nice and sweet, he keep telling me that he love me so much.
my heart is still breaking right now, i feel dead
i told him im gonna be really really busy and its gonna be really hard being with me with this unknown relationship at first he was like upset and he said "well, i don't know"
and so i said , i have let go of my sellfishness and ego, im 100% sure i want him to be happy even if his happiness is not me anymore even if being happy means without me in his life, and maybe when he find another girl who is 100 percent better than me, i will let him go, im still not sure i will be happy tho, and if he can't stand with me if its hurting him its okay to be just friend, im really sure about that cause i am strong and i will be completely happy for him, something he didnt know is that im crying really hard while typing those words.
he said, "well...its okay, you're smart i know you will pass the test and i will get tru this"
"you know ma, i just wanna be with you"
have you ever felt that muhammad ali is beating you brutally and you feel that you are dying but when you look at the mirror, you are completely fine? well thats how i feel.
i was really happy, i thanked him for loving me that much.
i'm just in a big confusion should i really continue this.. with this un labeled relationship cause even tho we love each other, he is not mine anymore and im not his anymore.
until now me and him still talks like a couple , but somehow deep inside despite the love and happy feeling, all i feel is pain,and fears and shattered heart.
i think to my self, how if oneday he will wake up and fall out of love with me and just leave me alone while im still fooly in love with him? its gonna be me alone hurting.
i act all happy to hide the pain i feel inside, i can't deal with this all anymore, i really wanna feel numb no feelings.
what should i do i really am too in love to let go but too tired to hold on.
man, im screwed. i love him i love him so much but its really really hurting me :"(
lol even now i'm still crying like a baby while typing this.
yesterday me and him broke up. it was frustrating, i've been depressed since a few days ago that i lost 3 kg.
good news i lost my appetite i hope i will keep losing weight,crazy i know.
before we broke up i saw he tweeted "we are not match anymore" at that point i feel someone punched my chest so hard that it hurts to breath , all i feel is pain.
so i talked to him and he said that he can't stand to be this way, we had a few problems that keep repeating, maybe he's sick of it and he can't deal with it anymore, and so am i. its hurting both of us
so i told him to lets just break up.
then the next 5-6 hours we deep talked, weirdly our conversation is way better than before. but it really really really hurt so bad and i can't take it anymore im really tired and exhausted to constantly feel in pain
i've decided to just let go but its really hard because i know no matter how many times i told my self that i've lost the feelings that its gonna be okay, the truth is i still madly deeply unconditionally in love with him.
i don't know why people called it a broken heart while it feels like every part of me is breaking too.
after a few talk he said
"but , i don't wanna lose you. i don't want anyone else i only want you :"( "
"you know i still do really love you so much ma :( "
"but can you promise me something?"
"will you still wanna be my wife? "
damn. how am i supposed to say, how am i supposed to do, it really drive me insane :(
he keep telling me that he can't lose me that he can't let me go
so he decided to be in a un official relationship, like more than a friend less than a relationship
it hurts.
like effin hell.
but i can't say no cause my heart is still all his.
this past 2 days after we broke up he became really really nice and sweet, he keep telling me that he love me so much.
my heart is still breaking right now, i feel dead
i told him im gonna be really really busy and its gonna be really hard being with me with this unknown relationship at first he was like upset and he said "well, i don't know"
and so i said , i have let go of my sellfishness and ego, im 100% sure i want him to be happy even if his happiness is not me anymore even if being happy means without me in his life, and maybe when he find another girl who is 100 percent better than me, i will let him go, im still not sure i will be happy tho, and if he can't stand with me if its hurting him its okay to be just friend, im really sure about that cause i am strong and i will be completely happy for him, something he didnt know is that im crying really hard while typing those words.
he said, "well...its okay, you're smart i know you will pass the test and i will get tru this"
"you know ma, i just wanna be with you"
have you ever felt that muhammad ali is beating you brutally and you feel that you are dying but when you look at the mirror, you are completely fine? well thats how i feel.
i was really happy, i thanked him for loving me that much.
i'm just in a big confusion should i really continue this.. with this un labeled relationship cause even tho we love each other, he is not mine anymore and im not his anymore.
until now me and him still talks like a couple , but somehow deep inside despite the love and happy feeling, all i feel is pain,and fears and shattered heart.
i think to my self, how if oneday he will wake up and fall out of love with me and just leave me alone while im still fooly in love with him? its gonna be me alone hurting.
i act all happy to hide the pain i feel inside, i can't deal with this all anymore, i really wanna feel numb no feelings.
what should i do i really am too in love to let go but too tired to hold on.
man, im screwed. i love him i love him so much but its really really hurting me :"(
lol even now i'm still crying like a baby while typing this.
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