words

"you are such a miracle ma, for me, for your friends"

"kamu kebanggaan semuanya ma"

"you did it, you've succeed to stole peoples heart"

"don't be insecure, you're smart"

"kehilangan kamu di sisiku aja aku udah ancur bgt rasanya,gimana kehilangan sama sekali."

"you're mine forever ma"

"i'm not sure with my feelings anymore"

"i love you ma"

"its so hard ma, missing you so much and the fact that you're too far away and not know when you'll be back cost so much pain"

"i'll try"

"i'm addicted to you"

"i can't let you go even if i want to "

"i'm sorry"

"i'm so lonely"

"its really hard ma."

"i miss you"

"if i leave you, and let you go you're not gonna be okay, you'll do a bunch of bad things"

"i love you dear,but i don't want to miss you,its not nice anymore its been pain"

"we're still young ma"

"i've realize i've been having a very high expectation of you.to be my wife"

"sorry".

"i love you shaima"

Happy birthday Abuya!

7-12-12
00:12 am

       

                 

                                                               

                                       


God bless you always, may goodness always be with you in every heart beats of you, may you got all the very joyful and happiness that life could ever offer
thankyou, for being such a hero not only for the family but for the environment
thankyou for letting me have those fancy things , thankyou for letting me gone crazy and buy the whole bookstore.
thankyou for every new shoes,new bags,clothes, foods, education.
i've learned the hard ways that you love me, in your own way.
thankyou for trying that hard to protect me.
im sorry for not listening to your advices, sorry for every money i wasted, sorry for the lies or naughty and immature deeds
but to be honest, no matter how many time i wish i could have another father. i Love you. in everyway in every condition. you've been a great man.
may god always bless you, and add a couple more years of your lifespan every year.cause i'd love to see you in my graduation and wedding ceremony, i'd love too see you hugging your grandson or maybe granddaughter, but mostly i'd love to hear "i am so proud of you" words from your mouth. and i am sorry i am so busy growing up, i often forget that you are also growing old too.
long life dad :)


Happy 50th Birthday father! :)
have a great life, best prayers and luck always be with you.
love,your daughter

Au revoir!

22:36 am


i almost done re tidying my clothes, its too late to sleep in time to wake up fresh for tomorrow *sigh*
i'll bring my smiley pillow though, hhh its kinda heavy remembering i have to wake up really early tomorrow to have MATH private lesson, sucks i know :'(
i am so happy yet so sad in the same time......i'm happy that denny being really really sweet today, he's just lovely as always. i love you so much dear you're my one and only :* *in case somehow you read this*

and sad cause this is probably my last free day, its ending anyway -_-
i'm gonna be away from media entertainment cause i need to be focus on my midterm exam, man i really need a high score this time :/
so its gonna be my last post until maybe 5 january or, i probably gonna post something on new year eve.
goodluck in life for everyone who read this
;D!



Bonne nuit peeps, Au revoir!

xoxo,

Home - Michael Buble

   "Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

                       i love this song, i sing it everyday everywhere everytime cause its just like he's writing my feelings :'( i miss home...so freaking bad.. i know i should not feel homesick in my new home, here in egypt but i can't. my love my family my true family is in indonesia..my home, my real home is in indonesia, i miss my old life so much.. :"( , but i believe god has his own way, and its for my own goodness so i just give my all to Him and be as strong as i can, god bless you, me and everyone :")

amen.

bonne nuit peeps!

xoxo,

Procrastination

21:37 pm


sleepy as hell and tired af, i wanna write a quite much stuff but i just don't feel like typing , simply i procrastinated and waste my precious friday. tomorrow is gonna be crowded by a tons of homeworks and studies and private lessons, and cleaning and re tidying all of my clothes cause its messy as hell and now its all on my bed and moms freaked out about how messy i am as a girl,but its kind of a good day cause  i have a lovely time with denny, he is such a sweet guy. perfection.

"i miss you so much ima, i miss you..seeing your new pictures is one of my moodbooster.."

"i'll make my hair bald always as long as you are not here,for you, so you won't be insecure about another girl have a crush on me"

"i wanna teach you a way to be not easily depressed and down"

"i love you too much ma"

i love you too much too dens,forever and always. :)



bonne nuit peeps! 

xoxo,

something about Perfection (remake)

9:11 am

weekend, finally :") its been a hard tiring week, yesterday i stay up late but was too tired to post anything, lol like i even have readers -_-, well.. i supposed to be doing exercises and yoga or pilates cause i've been neglecting my diet and exercises for the past 3-4 days oh i think its been a week....but i can't cause i got this monthly "congratulation you're not pregnant" things -if u know what i mean-
so i woke up early this morning, its freezing cold here i got flu and it did not get any better even after a bunch of influenza medicine. and,.. i feel kind of blue, i miss him so much i know he is busy cause of his midterm exam, and i completely understand he don't have time for me, and its okay i just want the best for him and want him to be focused on the exam and hope he'll get a highscore,.
its like, i can't get mad too long with him, i just can't be angry or be egoistic or selfish , i'll always swallow my pride, cause he is the best thing that has ever happened in my life and i will do everything to keep him, with all i believe in i can surely say i do love him that much.
but once again i said.. ldr sucks, misscomunication and lost contact.. and pain and bad day make it hard to stay strong or to fight for things i believe in. it sound complicated and nonsense i know -_- i just feel a bit lost today and anxious without any specific reason, he greeted me, and said he misses me, but he found out that he recently make me sad...i feel kind of bad..but i did feel sad these day.. its not always rainbow and butterflies you know, even after the hurricane there will be a sunny day and a rainbow, but the hurricane phases is one of hell hard moment in life.
i just hope and wish i can visit indonesia as soon as possible so i can meet him its been too long and times gettiing harder ;'(

okay, i was wrong about doutzen and barbara, cause when it comes to Barbara Palvin , not even The Doutzen Kroes could beat her perfection.
she's like....................oh my god. can you see a flaw in her face or body or smile? she is fucking flawless..she is like photosoped or something. she is really really beautiful and perfect that when you look at her it seems  she's not real, she's like a masterpiece,.and elephant could shit on her face and she will still look amazing.. god, barbara can i be you already :'((((((((

its her.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

and this is doutzen kroes, my other favorite model, she is down to earth and flawless, she is mother but you will not see any flaws in her body, like.god, doutzen, can u stop being perf.ect.

Josh Robert Thompson

       He is an amazing man with amazing talent doing a super amazing impression i absofuckinglutely love love this.

   

little things - one direction

                                                          "Little Things"

[Zayn]
Your hand fits in mine
Like it's made just for me
But bear this in mind
It was meant to be
And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me

[Liam]
I know you've never loved
The crinkles by your eyes
When you smile
You've never loved
Your stomach or your thighs,
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I'll love them endlessly

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do
It's you
Oh, it's you they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

[Louis]
You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
And maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me

[Harry]
I know you've never loved
The sound of your voice on tape
You never want
To know how much you weigh
You still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you're perfect to me

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true
It's you,
It's you they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

[Niall]
You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you
You'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to.
If I let you know I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you, oh.

[Harry]
And I've just let these little things slip out of my mouth
'Cause it's you,
Oh, it's you,
It's you they add up to
And I'm in love with you
And all these little things

[All]
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true
It's you,
It's you they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all your little things

i love this song. like seriously so much.especially the harry style part.

seriously ed sheeran You are amazing dude, and the boys too beside the looks they have a voice quality

this is just a kind of masterpiece.

xoxo.

today.

           

 " something i'm sure about this life is, no matter how bad it is or how much trouble you have, when you give your all to god and did not let yourself to grief and pathetically push your self down, and try your best to get up and face it all with optimistic heart and believe in yourself, i promise you ,things will get better when you choose to see the bright side more than the dark side. "

xoxo,

21st March 2012

before i forget, i want to write about 21st march 2012 which is the very best day of my life
no pain, no problems, nothing goes wrong and it was my birthday
it started at midnight when days changed to 21st march
i got a bunch of sweet happy birthday tweets from my friends, it was a lot of tweets and its not even morning yet!, and denny sent me a long sweet voice note and tweeted me sweet happy birthday greetings. best starter of a day Ever.

at the morning it was school day i -for the first time- woke up with a light hearted and happy feeling for school, it was like magical how everything really goes smoothly and full of happiness. i did not come late and at 8 am in the morning,we were gathered in the hall with our junior and senior ,school always held an assembly and al-matsurat reader before we begin our study, and when it was the time me and my class to go back to class suddenly my seniors sang a happy birthday song! i can not stop laughing , my heart was very full of happiness that i feel like crying lol, and i thanked them all then when i wanted to go back to class my close friend Alfi gave me a gift it was a beautiful blue mug set it even has a wings and cute eyes and a special spoon. and after i hugged her me and my besties went back to class

at lunch mom came to gave me 4 large boxes of pizzas and a quite large opera cake, perfect right. my class teacher start to lead the prayers for me and then we ate the pizza and sliced the cake i was really really happy and i heard a noise outside the class and it was my boys friends from the other building (my old school has boys and girls separated buildings) they came to ask the pizza so i gave them some, and i gave my senior too, and at the end of school time, Afifah a.k.a my bestfriend for life who moved from school when we were at the 9th grade, it was a really bad time without her, and she came to gave me surprises, she sprayed me with a rainbow colored sprayer all over me from head to toe and bought me some gifts and Froyo! my favorite. god i love her so muuch, i hugged her for a quite long time cause beside i was really happy that time, i miss her to death too.

then after talking and talking,maybe a half or an hour passed , denny said he wants to bring me to some place i was more than happy so afifah tell me she could drive me to the nearest place where i can meet him and go by motorcycle ,and then after maybe 20 minutes waiting in the car denny finally came, and i cannot stop smiling he always look that amazing, and perfect and lovely <3 and after saying goodbye to afifah i come to him and ride the motorcycle then we go to our secret place, the beautiful thing is..he hold my hand during the trip and keep holding it when i loosened the holds, he makes it tighter, my heart melted so i hugged him and smiled, perfect perfect perfect i whispered to my self.

when we finally arrived
he gave me this sweet letters that has been laminated, the letter was very..very..heart warming i could not stop smiling that time and even until now everytime i re read the letters i can't stop smiling, and he said happy birthday and that he love me so much he don't wanna loose me and i looked very beautiful *blushed*
and he said i could open the gift from afifah first then when i opened the gift it was a very lovely musical snow globe, when you listend to the melody your heart will get warmed :")
and a coffe glasses which were very cool and 2 Headset. omg.she knew i've been wanting those headsets best best best.
and denny seemed to get a low confidence about his gift he said he is afraid i would not like his gift, cause its not that fancy, and after a few minutes convincing him i would love the gift, he gave it to me
it was a very beautiful shoes!.........finally a girly brown flat shoes, it always makes me feels quite prettier lol -_- and he said "im so sorry if you don't like the gift" "like?? no i don't likfe the gift, i Love it"

a sweet one and a half  hour passed its time for me to go home cause mom has picked me up, denny drived me to  the nearest place where my mom was and hugged me goodbye and the other sweet things <3. then i went home and there was my family, with one more large chocolate fudge cake ! perfect perfect perfect perfect my heart screamed, and at night i opened all the gifts, and saw all the tweets and prayed and thanked my dearest God for the most beautiful and perfect day ever. so after  a 2 - 3 hours phone call with him i slept 
feeling happy, peaceful and blessed, at that time for once i love love my self, my life, everything.
Alhamdulilah.



Bonne nuit peeps!


xoxo,

do you know how it feels to be tortured by your own mind?

17:13 pm


i was alone in the class cause its about 15 minutes left until school is over and everyone was outside the class probably chatting around or having fun and tomorrow is the last day of exercise tests for the upcoming midterm exam and most of the student is going to be absent to do intensive study at home or at their privates lesson until 25th december.,
i hate outside,so i decided to sat in the class by my self with my thought and feeling stupid cause i can't do almost all exam except english...yep i'm that stupid..i hate math ..it was hell mistake to make me in science class...and you know..that few moment of life when you completely feeling fail as a student, as a daughter, as a girlfriend or simply as a human being, you start to worry about future about grades..about parents..and the worst feeling human can ever feel punch you really hard. you start to get insecure, hate everything about your self, your life. feeling completely miserable ,stupid and alone
i decided to wait outside to remove all those evil thoughts, i sat in the stair at the ground near the school exit door with a few kids sitting there with me, as a foreign student i got all this attention from the school people, they asked my name, did i can speak arabic or not, and got very excited when i say a word or 2 in arabic language. the kids did asked the same question that everyone has been asking me since the day i came  to school."whats your name? how old are you? are you chineese?".

then a half hour passed, and suddenly miram (my friend) came and sit beside me, we talked about deep stuff and the sweetest things she said was

          " you know imma? you make this year the best year of my life , i feel so happy you're the best thing that has ever happened in my life, i know everyone been saying this to you but really you are really really sweet and friendly and cute and lovely you really do have a kind heart i'm amazed, i know now why everyone wants to be your friend ,i'm gonna miss you so much *smile*  "

i sighed and smiled, and thanked her for those sweet things, she is gonna be absent until maybe 25 december, and until i came home i forgot all my insecurity and mentally self tortured things. for once i forgot all the problems i have, i forgot that the fact i'm not smart, i forgot the fact i eat much and gain weight and others. but then i checked my sisters bbm and felt really upset cause her bbm broken.. fuck. i got panicked, how will i contact him? he must be worried or been waiting my greetings, so i checked twitter and..
i was wrong. i was over my head to think he's gonna be worry about me or been waiting my greetings, he's doing fine, he did not send me any dm or tweet or anything. not even a word then i realize maybe he came back to our break deals, he need a time off from me. then those thoughts came back.
but i tried not to care. i tried really hard,cause im exhausted and sick being tortured by my own mind, and i say to my self  'its gonna be okay, you can face this. you have god with you, you have your friend you are strong, if you wanna be smart you can study hard, if you wanna be skinny go on a diet and don't eat A lot , and do a fucking exercise ,you can, you are going to survive' i keep repeating this until now. its just a bad day that happens way too often. but man, i'm pretty blessed and i'll survive inshaAllah.
now im gonna do my arabic homeworks cause my private teacher is going to come in 2 hours.
god bless me, you and everyone.
amen.


bon apres midi peeps!


love,

influenza or something worst

09:02 am 

i woke up late this morning cause i got a few destruction at night , i suddenly woke up at 2 in the morning cause i can't breathe i thought i was dying, my throat hurts like hell and  my hands hurts so bad numb for a few minutes but then ut starts to hurt and heavy...i was freaked out something is wrong with me..then i drank a glass of water and tried to sleep again, it was hard with the nonfunctional nose i have to breathe with my mouth but since the throat hurts it was nearly impossible then i decided to try to blow my right nose as hard as i can and its working so i can breathe slowly and when it start to stop working again i blow it harder,  and after a few hell of hours i finally can sleep but this morning when i woke up, my hand starts to get numb and hurts like asdfghjkl and throats and ears and a small headache . i hope its not a big deal :'( maybe its just influenza or maybe something worst..nauzubillah 

so last night i finished the charlie chapin sketch for my french teacher, i haven't done his homeworks yet ............. i haven't take my breakfast but i will in a few minutes i think.

  " 1:07 am,  D :" imaa kalo kamu masih bangun ajaa.."

             08:13 am, D : "imaaa" 

            17 minutes later

                              

                             S : "sayaang, aku baru bangun {}

                             D: "imaa, lama sekali yah -__-"                  

            43 minutes later

                            D: "why don't you take care of your self ma? "

                            D: "don't you know that i miss you so much? "      "

this is deff one of the best morning beside the hell of sickness i got, he greeted me and waited me till i woke up and said he misses me, since the hard time we get through and a small amount of time we have cause we both are busy,this little sweet chat means the whole world to me.

i'm so happy he turn to be the sweet guy i know again, since the last 3 months we don't have time to be sweet or even talk. 

but i think he's kind of upset knowing my sickness...but i swear i've take a good care of my self :"   

but still, i hope todays gonna be a nice day, and this dumb sickness will just dissapear

amin

18:31 pm

   " D: i miss your presence so much , seeing your picture might reduce the hurts of this missing feelings...how if you send me those 4000 pictures of you in your ipad?,i don't care if you think its ugly, cute or whatever you know i love you right ? and i always will "

 i love you, you have my heart wrapped around your finger, and even if you let the heart go i'll still probably tie it up again around your finger. 

Bonne nuit peeps!



xoxo, 

weekend

7:34 am

woke up feeling miserable. check on instagram and hate what i saw,  throats hurts like hell and 2glass of water seems pretty good and right after drinking throats felt quite better then i remembered the mango youghurt i have on the fridge so i  grabbed a small cup of youghurt and planning awesome things to do today, it supossed to be
-yoga
-ecercises
-sketching
-finished all the homeworks
-movie marathon

check on sister's mobile and theres no new bbm from him (cause i broke my mobile 2weeksago) ,not even a goodmorning text or a simple hi.
miserable.


14:30 pm

as usual i procrastinated , i ate large whole wheat sandwiches for breakfast and lunch, haven't done
any sports or yoga. nor sketching or homeworks..but i will in an hour or 2 :'0 *selfpromises*
cause the morning passed and still no messages or greeting from him so i decided to greet him.

s:"hi deens"
10 minutes later
d: "imaaa.. "
   "lagi ngapain?'
   "why don't u greet me sih maa"
s :*sigh*

2 hours later

s: "we'll meet kok dens someday soon :")
d :"i'll wait until that day come ma"
s:":") i love you"
d: "ma"
s"yaa?"
d: " i love you so much too!"

and every insecurity and pain i was holding on that time suddenly melt away.

17:38 pm

ate 4 bananas,haven't done any of my awesome plans.
shit. i procrastinated too much, okay this is the last post for today.
gonna do all the task tonight



23:04 pm

finally done the sketch , yoga, exercises but not the homeworks :/
well i'll do it tomorrow morning *selfpromises* *again*


Bonne nuit peeps!


xoxo,

Almost a year

its almost midnight, and i just redesigned my blog, somehow i miss writting or making journal about life or about how frustated i am,

fuh, i can't believe its almost a year since my last post!!!

A LOT LOT LOT of things has happened with me, i dated my love :> we made a cute couple but then...

things gone wrong with my family, it was a HUGE problem that dad's decided to moved me and my brothers & sister to egypt, and not coming back :"( but i hope i'll still have a chance to visit indonesia, even just a week or two...

and long distance relationship sucks.

honestly it is really really hard.

but, the relationship i have with him now is the happiest and the most amazing things i have in my screwed up life, it is too precious to just give it up.

dear denny my dear, i won't give up on us baby, don't give up on me, let stay strong together cause what we had is real :")

and im starting my diet again, i had this big willing and motivation its been 10 days im on this healthy diet and its not working -_-.

i need to find a way better and effective than the workout i've been doing this past ten days *sigh*

about school, i knew i can't never fit science class :"(((((( im stupid in math and science class is a huge ass hell of math's family, im fucked. but thanks god everytime i lost hopes in exam somehow things got easier like suddenly my friend let me see their answer aha ha ha ha -_-yeap i am that stupid..

okay, after all im giving up everything to Allah swt. in Him i have the fullest faith to him i give all my heart and soul, thanks god for giving me something better when i ask a good thing, for making me sees the bright sight in the darkest day. 

love,